Part Twenty-Two
AN EAST-ASIAN WARNING

The Guardian Lion told Barbara as she entered the East-Asian section that he’d sent Fenghuang, the Phoenix Dragon, out on patrol that morning, and it hadn’t yet come back.

“But I think there’s something going on,” he said. “That’s why I sent it.”

Barbara looked around. “Where’s Kim Jong Un?” she asked automatically.

“He’s okay. Gone over to the Oceanic section,” said the Lion. “He’s learning Melanesian Pidgin. Not many of the Islanders speak Korean. Probably hoping to take over Samoa or somewhere.”

“And the Hawaiian gods?” They were another immediate worry. “No, they’re quiet at the moment. They’re into opera. Father Damien’s training them as counter-tenors. They’re going to put on a performance of Artaserse. Some of our Immortals are in the orchestra: Han Xiangzi on the flute, Zhang Guo on drums … it’s pretty good, I’ve heard them rehearsing.” And he hummed a few bars of Vo Solcando.

She interrupted him to ask if his section had had any unexplained visitors.

He shook his head. “I heard about the Calavera and the Halloween Skulls coming in unannounced, but nothing like that is allowed in here. We keep a clean house.”

They did, indeed. The curtains were straight, the paper lanterns glowed satisfactorily, and the Entities were all seated in their places.

But Barbara, like most gods, had to find fault somewhere. She turned to the Namahage. “Have you been frightening the Japanese doll again?” she asked. The Japanese doll, as if on cue, burst into tears.

“It’s my job to frighten children,” the Namahage said sullenly.

“But only on New Year’s Eve,” Barbara reminded him sternly.

And the Bactrian Groomsman had allowed his horse to gobble down the peach of immortality. Shouxing’s owner was in tears when he related the story to Barbara. What was his existence worth without his peach? Barbara replaced it with an apple, which he was happy with, and told the Groomsman she’d remove him from the East Asian section, where he didn’t belong anyway, to the Afghani one, which didn’t exist. He’d have to go into the Rejects Box. The Groomsman apologized profusely and promised Shouxing a ride on his horse.

The Phoenix Dragon returned from its patrol; it and the Guardian Lion spoke quietly for a moment. He shook his mane, rolled the golden ball with his front paw for a moment, then, looking worried, he beckoned Barbara over. “It’s the Bible and Beyond section,” he said. “There’s something going on there. You’d better go and check on it.”

 He wouldn’t tell her anything further.