Part Five
JESUS APPEARS

The two Jesuses appeared on the horizon, and it was suddenly clear to all the Saints that it wasn’t the Atheist but the two holy figures who had brought the light. Protestant Jesus had been heavily chipped since they last saw him, and Catholic Jesus was, as always, bleeding quite heavily. They looked exhausted because, like an emergency police number, they were called over trifling matters. Protestant Jesus turned to the Saints, now disappearing rather ashamedly into the background.
“If it’s the Atheist again,” he called after them tiredly, “can’t you deal with him yourselves? I’ve got all these letters to read, and as for him,” nodding at Catholic Jesus, “he’s practically an invalid these days.”
However, despite his wounds, Catholic Jesus could still perform miracles. He stretched out his bloody hands, and a positive myriad of evils appeared, including the Nkondi Fetish, his body tortured by nails (whom, despite his evidently evil aspect, both Jesuses felt a certain affinity toward), and several others, among whom were Rangda the demon queen, Huur the messenger of Death, and Gashadokuro the giant skeleton. Catholic Jesus had conjured them up to frighten the Atheist into Belief, even if it was just in evil spirits. Our Lady of Holy Death went timidly up to Protestant Jesus and offered to help. “I look creepy too,” she whispered. He shook his head; the Saint would upset her Latino admirers if seen consorting with evil. She left, envying the spooks, who seemed to have all the fun and were now moving in an ominous line toward the Atheist, who knew what was happening once he saw the ghost ship sail over his head.
He walked away in a dignified manner. “May Allah estrike you all dead, estupid fools!” he called, contradicting the very concept of Atheism (as well as giving a clue to his origins).
“‘Es-strike’ instead of ‘strike.’ Not at ease with consonant clusters,” murmured Catholic Jesus. “Must be an Arabic speaker . . . and of course the name of Allah. . . .” But he was not focusing, and his mind was wandering, which often happened after his miracles.
“And ‘estupid’ instead of ‘stupid.’ I noticed that too,” said Protestant Jesus briskly. He could see his companion was out of it and suggested they call on their little brother (for Muhammad was some 600 years younger than they) for help with this particular problem. He turned to Barbara and asked her to look for the Prophet.